Well-Mannered Frivolity

First off I want to give a hearty thanks to Gene for explaining how the Internet was created. I'm ashamed to admit that I never thought about that before. I knew it was here, and I knew I used it, but I never wondered where it came from.

Bill really started wanting a tattoo when I was pregnant with the twins. Shortly after they were born he had the chance. Some of his co-workers were driving down to Savannah to get inked. At first he didn't want to go. He felt guilty leaving me home alone on his day off with 5 children 7 and under. I insisted he go. Since this trip took place during the technology age, they were able to find a place on the web and Mapquest it. Oh, the wonders of the interwebs.
Like I was saying, I pretty much forced Bill to go. Then I found out a 19 year old girl was part of the group. A cute nineteen year old girl. A petite nineteen year old girl. I was neither cute, petite or nineteen. I was disheveled, old, depressed and still looked about 6 months pregnant. I was fixated on the nineteen year old in the pitiful way only a postpartum woman can be. Poor Bill, first I made him go against his better judgment, then I spent the next few days crying because a cute (in my mind anyway) girl just happened to be part of the crowd. Bill has never given me any reason not to trust him. I was just a touch psycho.

Now Bill had 5 tattoos so far. Life is a lot easier not that tattooing is legal in South Carolina. He just runs up to the BiLo shopping center up the street. Of course, since he took a lower paying job to be able to spend more time with us he can no longer afford to get tattooed. Oh, the irony of it all.

<3,

Wendy

Background noise: Countdown to the Royal Rumble

PS I'm going through a dry spell here. If Robin or anyone else has any burning questions, ask away. Nothing is too big or too small or too personal (unless it involves the kids--I try to respect their privacy).

Tattos

Robin kindly answered my call for blog fodder by asking if I have any tattoos. Robin is a great girl with a great family. She has a fantastic sense of humor. The only complaint I can bring up about her is that she DOES NOT UPDATE HER BLOG OFTEN ENOUGH!!!! hint hint nudge nudge

I, personally, do not have a tattoo. My husband, on the other hand, is well on his way to becoming Lydia the Tattooed Lady. I almost got inked once, so I guess I'll tell that story.

When I was a newly minted 18 year old college student, I decided I needed a tattoo. I saw a picture of a model in Rolling Stone magazine. She had a ring of pink flowers around her ankle. At that time tattooing was illegal in South Carolina, so my roommate and I set off for Charlotte, which was stupid because everybody knows you go to Savannah to get tattooed. My roommate, Betsy, and I came up with a scheme. We would stay with her cousin in Columbia at USC. We would then take a day trip to Charlotte to get inked. Mind you this was 1989, years before Al Gore invented the Internet. Or maybe it was invented already. I don't know. Leave me a comment if you know when the Internet was invented. So we set off from Charleston to Columbia, which took about 90 minutes, spent the night in Columbia, and drove to Charlotte, about 2 more hours, the next day. We could have done the whole deal in Savannah which is only about 90 minutes away, but, like I said, we didn't know any better. Since we had no Internet to rely upon, as soon as we got to Charlotte we stopped at a pay phone (this was before cell phones, too) to look up tattoo studios in the phone book. We found one in the yellow pages so we drove to his studio. Once we got there I showed the tattoo artist my picture, and he told me he didn't do freehand work; I would have to chose from one of the samples on his wall. Nothing really struck my fancy, but I picked out a pink flower that looked pretty enough. Mr Tattoo man could tell I wasn't 100% sold on my choice, so he wisely told me to sleep on it and come back tomorrow if I still wanted the flower tattoo. He also gave us directions to another tattoo studio that did freehand work. Maybe they could give my ring of flowers. We got lost and drove around greater Charlotte for what seemed like hours. We finally found the place. It was an old rundown house full of biker types. We opted not to stay. We drove back to Columbia, spent the night, and went back to Charleston the next day. That's the story of how I almost got a tattoo.

Tomorrow I'll tell you about Bill's first tattoo. It involves a hormonal postpartum woman and a 19 year old girl.

Wendy

Background noise: Teen Titans.

Fine dining Fairfull style

Charleston is world known for its fine cuisine. Tonight we decided to partake in some of it. That's right folks, we ate at the new Golden Corral. The Fairfam had previously enjoyed this experience on our trip to Orlando last summer. The children wanted the grandparents to have the experience. The kids thought the Golden Corral was the greatest eating establishment they had ever visited. I think their love of buffet food eclipsed their joy of the Islands of Adventure/Universal Studios theme parks. When the children spotted the Golden Corral construction site last fall up at Center Pointe they were positively gleeful.  We told Katherine we would go there for her 13th birthday (Dec 28). Unfortunately, the resturant didn't open until New Year's Day. So we waited. Every time we drove by the line was out the door. So we waited some more. Once it became clear to us that the Golden Corral would be perpetually crowded all hours of the day and night we decided to suck it up and just go.  Where were all these people eating before? Aren't we in a recession? You'd never know it judging by the lines.
As I was saying, we met the grandparents there (hey, somebody had to pay for the food). After circling the parking lot like landsharks we finally parked illegally on the side of the road. Then we got in line where we were corralled like cattle. Hey!  I bet that''s why they call it the Golden Corral! After waiting for the staff to construct a table situation of 9 people we were finally ready to eat. James went with Bill to get his food, Lila went with my mom, and Will went with me because, "There was no one else to go with." Thanks Will. I have never felt so loved. The restaurant was like navigating in an ant farm. Once we got everyone's food and got the kids all situated several of them had to use the bathroom. This meant another harrowing trip past the food lines. Okay, everyone had empty bladders and full plates, we were on our way. But wait! There's more! Shortly after we started eating the fire alarm went off. Thankfully it was just caused by some kid pulling the alarm on his way out the door. We were nowhere near a fire exit, but I think we would have made it out safely. As the fire alarm blared away the customers barely looked up from their plates. The fire alarm went off for a good 5 minutes. I hope the hung the kid who pulled it by his toenails.

Have I mentioned that I am on a low carb diet? Well the Golden Corral should be called Carb Heaven. Sure there are low carb choices, but who wants to eat lean meat and low fat dairy products when there are things like YEAST ROLLS! and CHEESECAKE! in UNLIMITED AMOUNTS!? I did pretty well, though. I had some chicken, stir fried veggies and a spinach salad. On, and one lick of Katherine's swirl ice cream cone. I'm not a saint, you know.

After we finished gorging, we went to Walmart to buy a plastic "wood look" TV stand for our master bedroom TV. The "wood" stands were $100.00+. The "wood look" was only $28.00. We are nothing if not classy. We ended the evening watching a disc of my "Edge: Decade of Decadance" wrestling DVD.

I think we hit the trifecta of white trash today, don't you?

<3,

Wendy

Background noise: Sanctus Real

My mother told me to update, so here I am.

For some strange reason my blog posts keep showing up on Facebook as notes. I have no idea what I did to cause this phenomena to occur. It's kind of annoying. By the way, if you would like to connect with me on Facebook I'm listed as Wendy Morris Fairfull. I love making new Facebook friends. It makes me feel popular and loved. I'm a bit of an attention whore, in case you haven't already noticed.

OK, now that I have that bit of business out of the way.............

I can't think of anything to write about anymore. Or if I do come up with an idea by the time I get to sit down at the computer the idea seems stupid. If you want to know anything about me ask away in the comments. You will be helping me think of topics to write about, and I'll get to talk about my favorite subject--me. As you can see,it's a win-win situation.

Random bits

Bill's father passed away last year. This past week Bill was finally able to go through his dad's belongings. He had several books about martial arts and other various Eastern topics. On of the books was on Zen. I read it because one of my favorite subjects to study is religon--I minored in religious studies in collge, and because, well, I will pretty much read anything. Seriously, I will read anything-books, magazines, cereal boxes, Penthouse Forum.....Well, maybe not Penthouse. I've never had the oppurtinty to read it, but I wouldn't rule it out. Yes, I would. Anyway, back to Zen. This is the most confounding thing I have ever read. As far as I can tell Zen Buddism is just a really complicated way of being an atheist.  I hope I am not offending my huge readership of Zen masters. I speaking purely out of ignorance here. I suspect I will be hitting the library to see if I can make sense out of Zen. Or maybe the library is just an illusion. What is the sound of one hand clapping?

Will was running around the house naked tonight. This is not an unusual occurence unfortunately. He likes to streak through the house after his bath yelling "DON'T LOOK AT ME. I'M NA-KEE!!!" James thinks this is humor on par with, I don't know, Monty Python?  Today he changed it up a bit. Instead of his usual I'm nay-kee chant he was sing 'Holiday in Cambodia' by the Dead Kennedys. My kids are nothing if not hard core.

I'm going to stop here because it is 1:30 AM, and I follow a strict routine of being asleep by 2:00 at the latest.

I try to do better at updating, mom.  Scout's honor.

<3,
Wendy

Background noise: Coldplay. Sometimes I like to hear little Apple's dad belt it out.

Urban Dictionary Meme

Rules:
a) Go to urbandictionary.com and type in your answers to the following questions.
b) Post your favorite definition it gives you -- or just post the first one. (or multiple answers if it's just too funny.)
c) Tag 4 people. Leave them a comment telling them they've been tagged.
d) Those people, if so inspired, should do the same.

1) Your Name?  Wendy
    Intellectually attractive woman.

    ex. "Wow, what a Wendy".

2) Your age?  37
    #1) Number often used in fiction because it is inconspicuous: A prime number greater than 25
        but less than 50.
         

3) Your favorite drink?  Cherry Coke Zero
      sweet nectar of the gods

4) Favorite color? Orange
    

	The color which vain assholes turn after a session in the tanning salon; Often confused with Hepatitis.

	ex "Hey, nice tan... in the middle of winter, you sick effing pumpkin monster."

5) Birthplace?
    Florida
     America's wang

     ex "Homer simpson: We can't go to Florida... thats America's wang!"

6) Month of your birth?  September
    a month with a nice temperature and everything but its when school starts :(
 
     ex "When the year falls into September, it's a peaceful time of year."

7) Where you live now? North Charleston
    A nice place to live post WW2, although spiraled as our Navy Shipyard closed down in 1996. A very    very up and coming area, and home to the best neighborhood in South Carolina; Park Circle.

ex "North Charleston be Crawlin', Joe."


There is no 8. What the heck?

9) Your super power if you had super powers?  Psychic Powers

    

1. A deluded person who had trouble making friends as a child, and over the years has grown to believe their own mystic crap  ex  "Your husband is happy in the afterlife and suggests you take my psychic course ($10,000) so that you may continue to speak to him 10) Best insult?  Idiots The name for people that use this site (urban dictionary) A describing word for those that don't just stick to the normal dictionary and make up words. ex "You lot are a bunch of idiots" Tag! Your it! Wendy PS I used great restraint with the meaning of 37. Those of you who have seen Clerks will know what I mean. PPS The ex sentences are also from Urban Dictionary. I didn't make them up myself.

Fairfullisms

On the way home from church today all the kids were singing 'Jingle Bells.' Yes, I realize that it is 70 degrees and not Christmas time. What can I say, they march to the beats of their own drummers.  Every last one of them sang "Bells and cocktail rings."  I guess they like garish jewelry.

I was deleting shows off of our DVR. Will saw me delete an episode of Arthur (have I every mentioned that Arthur is a minor deity around here?) and got upset. James told him not to worry. We had seen it already. It was a "runway"

After our notorious viewing of Cats: In the Womb the kids were all interested to hear their birth stories. I've told them a million times, but they never tire of hearing about how they were born again and again. To make the conversation a little more interesting I threw out to them that grandma was born at home. Mary Jane asked, "Did she have a housewife to help her?"

What cute things have your kids said lately?

<3,
Wendy

Background noise: Blessed, lovely silence.

The YMCA, it's fun to go to the YMCA

I bet you now have an irresistible urge to get up and start dancing and spelling out YMCA with your arms. I know I do..........OK, I got that out of my system. My kids think I am weird.

If you are a faithful, long time reader you may recall that I used to blog about my Y exploits with my bff, BT, formerly known as 'The Pretzel Girl.'  She earned that moniker because she was able to contort herself into impressive positions in yoga and Pilates.  She used to make me take pilates, and I used to make her lift weights. We quit going for various reasons, one being I could no longer afford it. I started going to the gym up the street, but they wanted to charge me $1600.00 to rejoin. I almost pooped a brick when they told me the price. 1.6 large for a place that smells like feet. Plus, I never went to the new place. When I was a Y member I went at least 3 time per week. Just for the record, the Y smells clean with a faint undertone of chlorine. It's a comforting smell amidst all that sweating.  I was able to rejoin the Y at a fraction of the cost. I didn't think we could swing it, but Bill got an unexpected extra paycheck for his unused sick leave.

I can't work out with PG/BT anymore, but fear not, for I have a new workout partner: My 13 year old daughter, Katherine.  Katherine, with her tiny little self, looks so cute in her workout gear-a tie-dyed peace sign t with coordinating exercise  capris and cute shoes. Speaking of shoes, I had to take her shopping for new sneaks to workout in. She wears a , get this, size 8.5. Her feet are almost as big as mine. I, on the other hand, was wearing an old lime green t shirt form VBS, slightly large, stretched out, old yoga pants, and orthopedic looking walking shoes.  And, don't forget, I'm not tiny. I was secretly hoping everyone was admiring how cute Kat looked while ignoring how practically middle aged and dorky  I looked.

Then, we got on the treadmills. I was huffing and puffing at the turtle like pace of 3.5 MPH. She was gracefully gilding along with gazelle like intensity (sorry to use your quote out of context Dave Ramsey)at 5 MPH. She didn't even break a sweat. And she thought it was fun. My view of exercise is that it is and evil necessity. Something to be endured. 

On Wednesday, Kat will take the TNT teen training class, and then she will be able to workout in the weight room with me. I'll get my revenge after that. I may not be tiny, cute, and fast, but I am strong as an ox, or so my mom once lovingly referred to me as.

In spite of everything, Katherine is a very cool work out partner. I really enjoy getting to spend that special one on one time with her. And I grateful that she's not embarrassed to be seen in public with me. I hope that never happens, but I sure it will eventually. She is 13, after all. Although 'they' say that homeschooled kids tend to be closer to their families. We'll have to see if that pans out, I'll let you know in the next few years.

I also restarted the Carbohydrates Addict diet today. I'm working from memory today. Tomorrow I'm going to go get the book from the library.  Ah...the library...... my happy place.

I am going to be a lean-mean fighting machine. I refuse to be 40 and fat. I don't aspire to be a MILF, but I would like to wear the cute clothes I see at Target. Right now I'm living vicariously through Katherine who wears a size 1/ x-small.

Katherine is just such a cool kid. One of my favorite people on earth.

Wendy

Background noise: Drake and Josh

Wordless Wednesday: Homeboy edition

Wordless Wednesday: Homeboy edition

Wordless Wednesday: What I got for Christmas edition