or at the very least, get him to autograph your book.
Earlier tonight (actually yesterday) the Fairfull Family shuffled off to Walmart for a Ric Flair autograph event. Yes, I realize that was probably the most redneck moment of my life. We stood in line for about 1 hour with a very interesting array of humanity, and I'm including myself in that interesting array (lest you think I'm getting above myself).
I am currently dying suffering from bronchitis. This actually turned out to work in my favor as it kept the interesting array from getting in my hula hoop zone. When you are hacking like bull moose during mating season people tend to give you a wide berth. My coughing comes in spurts. I'll be fine for about 15 minutes or so, and then I will cough so hard that I can't catch my breath for about a minute. I just knew I would have one of these spasms at the exact moment I met The Nature Boy--Here Mr Flair, don't bother with my book, just sign the lower lobe of my left lung which I have hacked up just for you. Don't want to sully up your Sharpie? You can just sign it with the abundance of mucous that I have conveniently provided.
As we got closer to the front of the line I developed a new worry. You see, when I am having these unfortunate coughing incidents I, on the rare occasion, oh, how shall I put it? I break wind. There I would stand, in front of a living legend, hacking and farting. Lucky for me neither episode transpired.
By the time we got to the head of the line we were so starstruck that we inconveniently forgot how to communicate effectually. When it was Katherine's turn to get her picture signed, "Naitch" asked her how to spell her name, as there are several different ways to spell Katherine (Catherine, Katherine, Kathryn, Cathryn, Katharine.....). The poor girl was so tongue tied that she momentarily forgot how to spell her name. Thankfully, after a great deal of little intense concentration on my part I was able to step in and save her. Whew.
And let's not forget Mary Jane. While we were standing in line she was chewing on a pen (she gets her oral fixation from me). Well, the pen broke. She got covered in blue ink. The more she tried to clean it up the bluer she got. I took her to the bathroom to help clean her up, but the ink was rather stubborn. She quite resembled a Smurf.
Standing in line for an hour at a very hot Walmart with bronchitis hearkened me back to the day I stood in line and voted while I was in labor with the twins. I may be a redneck, but I am also very civic minded.
BTW- Ric Flair is more buff in person than he appears to be on TV. It's hard to believe he is 60 years old. I guess a combination of extensive plastic surgery and a life time of steroid abuse is the fountain of youth.