I've decided this will be our last year celebrating Halloween. Next year I am going to tell the children the truth--that Halloween is just a clever ruse Satan's emissaries use to try to get children away from their parents so they can enroll them in Hogwart's School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Instead we will celebrate Reformation Day. We will all dress up in brown monk type robes and nail complaints on the door of the local Catholic church. Why the change? Simple economics. Halloween is FREAKIN' EXPENSIVE!!!!
I thought I would be getting off a little easier this year since Katherine is too old to trick or treat. Hoo-boy was I ever kidding myself. Mary Jane wants to be Alice Cullen from the Twilight books. I was able to cobble that costume together out of some of my old goth clothes. I doubt anyone will know who she actually is, but at least the costume was free--except for the $3.00 pair of vampire fangs. Lila is going as a witch. Her costume was about $20.00. Not too bad since it included the hat, the dress and the belt. She wanted a broom to carry, but I told her she would have to make due with my kitchen broom. I am not paying $10.00 for a plastic broom that doesn't even sweep. The twins are both going as Ironman. Their costumes were $30.00 each mask not included. They will be faceless Ironmen wearing crocs. Tony Stark cobbled together his original suit out of spare parts in a cave in, um, er..Afghanistan maybe?, but this made in China $30.00 piece of nylon couldn't include a mask? Oy vey.
Speaking of the delicate subject of Christians and Halloween, or the more sinister pagan Sam Hain........When Katherine was about 3 Bill took her trick or treating for the first time. This was before we were Christians. When she got home the three of us went through her haul on the premise of looking for razor blades and traces of Anthrax. What I was actually looking for were any stray Twix bars, but I digress. In her bag of candy I came across a religious tract. Now this wasn't a happy tract where we are compared to a pumpkin being carved by Jesus--you know the type, he takes out all the bad guts, puts a light in us and carves a smile on our faces or something like that. This was a "you are going to hell for trick or treating your worthless heathens' type tract. This thing could have been written by Jonathan Edwards. I was so pissed that I thought steam was going to come out of my ears. Here was some self-righteous twit telling me I was leading my baby girl to hell just so she could get some candy. Did the twit actually think they were going to convert anyone that way? This story has no real point. I just wanted to share it.
And have we mentioned the cost of the candy? I used to get the good stuff like Kit Kats and Twix, you know, chocolate. This time it's bubble gum and dum dums. I found a bag of Tootsie-Pops so big that I could hardly fit it into the back of my Excursion at Target for $9.99. Then it rang up for $6.79. I was so excited that I momentarily forgot how to work the debit card machine and accidentally cancelled my payment.
Now that I have gotten Satan's holiday financed I'll start looking toward Christmas.
Wendy
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